For the past year and a half, I’ve had recurring nightmares about Boyfriend-o cheating on me. Last night they started to occur when I was half asleep and still talking to him, and that ain’t right.
I’m a tolerant girlfriend. I don’t care when he’s off with his bro friends pillaging the nights of NYC because I have my own friends to party with. (Plus, he has the alcohol tolerance of the Rock of Gibraltar and I only budget enough for booze to get me mildly schwasted, like 2-for-1 sake bombs). I don’t care if he talks to girls or adds hot girls on Facebook because I talk to boys and stalk my hot guy friends on Facebook. Who doesn’t?!
The one thing I can’t tolerate is cheating. My past isn’t tragic enough to warrant a memoir but suffice to say I’ve been exposed to it somewhere very close. Why put yourself through that? I found a real-looking OKCupid account that Boyfriend-o’s friends made and spazzed. It may or may not have involved: storming out of his apartment with all (like, all) my stuff, collapsing on my bedroom floor and wailing to Natalia Imbruglia’s Torn. Even though it didn’t mean anything, ever since then the dreams have multiplied.
So this morning when I arose from not-so-peaceful slumber, I decided to go to Guru Google to discern some meaning from these recurring dreams. To lead me by the hand to self-discovery was Badi Purwa from Article Alley, whose article “Dreams About Cheating” led to a very important realization.
Dreams about cheating, either being cheated on or cheating yourself, are some of the most commonly reported, and most troubling, dreams there are. Many people take these dreams as prophecies, and accuse their spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend of cheating in real life.
Yup. Because it’s TRUE. It’s TRUE because I’m PSYCHIC and my subconscious is trying to PROTECT ME FROM PAIN. IT’S OVERRRR.
While these kinds of dreams are sometimes valid, most times they are not.
When a dream of a cheating spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend turns out to be accurate, it does not necessarily mean you are psychic. Rather, it probably means that your unconscious mind picked up on some subtle signals that your conscious mind either overlooked or blocked out. For instance, things like a sudden change in wardrobe, new cologne or sudden interest in fitness can often signal a cheating spouse.
Fine, I’m not psychic. (Except I am.) And since Boyfriend is the sensei of minimalism and hisses at any sort of change and has always been a fitness buff, we might be good here.
In most cases, however, a dream about a cheating boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse is not about the spouse at all. Rather, the dream is most likely caused by insecurity, anxiety or guilt on the part of the dreamer.
Oh, okay, so now it’s about my fault. Let’s all blame the victim now!
For instance, dreaming about catching your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse with another partner probably indicates a deep seated anxiety on your part, either worry about your appearance, doubts about your attractiveness, or just generalized anxiety about the future.
…So what are you trying to say about me? Can’t you see I have my own issues? I’m really unattractive, I’m too fat for New York, I didn’t get a job right out of college, and I’m a waste of life! Now you’re picking on me? Heartless bastard of an article.
Likewise, dreaming that you are cheating on your spouse or significant other can result from guilt you feel about other issues. In some cases these feelings of guilt are not even related to your relationship.
So explain the one out of countless cheating dreams I had in which I was the cheating partner. I was with that old blond guy playing a high school kid on 90210, except afterwards I couldn’t remember it but he told me not to worry because I wasn’t very good.
Oh, see previous quote?
Dreams about a boyfriend or girlfriend cheating on you tend to be fear based dreams. These dreams do not necessarily represent fear of being cheated on. Instead, the fear could be anything, from fear of failure on a project at work to fear of failing a test at school.
Both kinds of dreams I also frequently experience.
It is always a good idea to work through the issues that caused the dreams. Issues with trust, and fear of abandonment can be very damaging to even the strongest relationship.
This hit a little close to home. We didn’t start out with a conventional relationship, and for two years we didn’t make any promises that would involve any trust. So it’s been a pain in the ass telling myself to trust someone who for two years didn’t ask for (or deserve) it.
Telling myself to trust, what on earth is that? Either I’m regressing back into my teen blogging years or I’m reading too much Elizabeth Gilbert.
So whether you are the cheater or the cheatee in your dream, it is important to examine the situations you encounter in your dreams. The situations, places and people encountered while in a dream state often represent real people, places and objects, and learning the connections can allow you to correct the situations that are leading to such feelings of insecurity and anxiety.
The lesson I learned here is that for peace of mind, I have to hunt down all the girls he’s ever hooked up with and kill them.
God, I love when dream analysis provides closure.